October 17, 2017 by Shannon Michael Smith
After winning the first two games in the NLCS, the Dodgers have done the unimaginable!
They finally got around to trimming Kringle’s beard? Turner was starting to look like a dazed member of the Hell’s Angels in Gimmie Shelter.
No, you dolt! They won a third NLCS game! A third! Final score: Dodgers 6, Cub-Schlubs 1
Darvish’s fake-bunt AB was hypno-gold! Is this team really just one game away from a World Series trip?
No…this is all a dream…it’s 2012 and this Guggenheim Group is pulling out all the stops man, we just traded for Adrian Gonzalez! Dude this is going to be sweet, Carl Crawford is a hell of an outfielder and Beckett has some more gas left in the—
Haha, we couldn’t resist…yes, the Dodgers are one game away…can they really do it? Just once?
Can’t we finally find a way to make it right?
You mean make the magic last for more than just one night?
I know we could break through it, if we could just get to it, just once!
James Ingram is grossly underrated. That’s all there is to it…
What about the Cubs flipping their bats in a flip-off to Puig?
Yeah, they’re all model citizens. It’s a good thing the Cubs and their fans exist so that the children of the world have solid folks to look up to…just ask Steve Bartman.
The Dodgers are swinging the bats better than Adam West’s Batarang…Taylor deserves a medal.
He should never pay for a meal at El Compadre again.
Who’s pitching tomorrow?
Us! Rascalsoftheravine have been chosen to pitch the first five innings in tomorrow’s potential clincher!
We won a contest on the Petros and Money show…they said we could pitch…we called up and they said “What’s up?” and we said “Not muccchh, just seeing if I could win that contest to pitch Game 4 of the NLCS.”
“That contest doesn’t exist, we’re just giving away Philippe’s gift certificates, you drunk.”
Seems odd that such a huge game would be decided by a radio contest winner…
More have been decided by less!
What does that even mean?
Okay, you got us, we’re not pitching tomorrow…we’re going to Langer’s for pastrami chili-fries….
Fred Roggin really sells those ads, doesn’t he?
Rick Monday’s reads for Daniel’s Jewelers are Godlike too…
Conway’s baldy ads are pretty hysterical…
Enough about radio ads! Can the Dodgers provide payback tomorrow for that middle finger the Cubs thrust in the Dodgers’ face earlier this season (read the rascalsoftheravine article “Classless Cubs Rub It In At Wrigley” for further insight—Steamin’ Shan)
We are one step away…bring on Aaron Judge and his giant beaver-like chompety-choppers (the man puts the Jaws character in the James Bond films to shame.)
Until next time, mirth-seekers!