Dodgers Club Cubs, Enrage PETA in Game One of NLCS

more piper less dead

October 15, 2017 by Shannon Michael Smith

It feels like eons since Los Dogs took Game One of an NLCS! Can you dig it?

“Yes I can, and I’ve been waiting such a long time…”

Ah! Lyrics from Chicago’s “Saturday In The Park”, right?

Well, it certainly wasn’t their Saturday in that Game One loss, heh heh…

Puig’s jack was boss, he nearly had two!

Yeah, Larry King went into an improvisational dance right in front of us…his Geritol flew out of his pocket and exploded all over the VIP concourse like a thousand marbles…

What’s with Mary Hart’s hubby? His blue aviators were freaking us out!

Yeah, he’s right behind home plate (just slightly to the right if you’re watching on TV) and he’s rocked some nutty outfits during the playoffs so far…some of his duds remind us of garb we’ve seen on the Carol Burnett Show, Match Game, or The Love Boat…

Turner’s beard is getting out of control…l thought I saw a squirrel jump out of that thing last night…

Yeah, it looks like he’s about to start an Independent Nation or open up a community garden…

If he starts listening to the Grateful Dead we’ll have an intervention…

Hippies need more “Piper at the Gates of Dawn” and less “Noodly Songs For Tepid Twits”…

How about Chargin’ Charlie Culberson’s big sac fly?

That sounds like a kids book from the ‘70s…

What about Tayyyyloooorrr’s home run?

Somewhere, Linda Harrison was jumping up and down and clapping…

What about that crazy play at the plate? Safe!!!

Jacked up Joe Maddon compared the play’s outcome to the soda tax in Chicago, eeessshhhh…we think it was more like the dreaded hot dog tax in Houston or the horrifying bubble gum tax in Santa Fe or the ungodly heroin tax in Seattle…

I’m eager for Seager’s return! Will it happen tonight?

Not sure about that…

How about Maeda coming out of the pen again!

Yes, his pregame ritual now consists of a Aloha Burger from Jollybee, a solemn viewing of Tora! Tora! Tora!, and a half-dozen joints with Vic “The Brick” Jacobs, Ima sugu ikimashou!

Brilliant! Who’s pitching today?

Rich “Can’t Buy A Thrill” Hill will take on Lester The Molester at 4:30 BEST COAST TIME…

We’re feeling you!

Until next time, mirth-seekers!!!

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