Darvish Deals Death To D-Backs, Dodgers Advance To NLCS

murray vs rascalsoftheravine

October 9, 2017 by Shannon Michael Smith

Bellinger and Barnes bashed blue bombs!

Yeah, Darvish dealt, the bullpen battened down the hatches. Joc Pedersen pogoed to the hits…final score: Dodgers 3, D-Backs 1.

Shocked at the sweep! They stranded a bunch of runners tonight…

Yeah, but they’re playing with confidence heading into the NLCS, could this be the year they finally get over the hump?

No.

What do you mean, no? You’re the positive one!

Just kidding, they looked damn good against Arizona, bring on those rotten Cubs…and Bill Murray…hell, bring on all the Murrays, every damn one of—

What the hell do you have against Murray?

He’s a Cub fan, that’s all I need to…all right, full disclosure, he crashed my mom’s funeral because he thought it was a German wedding and everyone there still loved him even though he took a selfie with the corpse.

Quit whining, the DODGERS WON THE DS AND ARE INCHES AWAY FROM A PLACE THEY HAVE NOT BEEN TO SINCE 1988!

Oakland?

No, Einstein, the World Series!!

Do you think Larry King could take Bill Murray?

Oh, here we go again…no.

What if it were a knife fight? King looks like he can handle a blade, I’d put odds on–

Look, the Cubs aren’t even a lock yet, sure they have a 2-1 lead in the series, but Washington could easily—

The problem with tangling with the Murrays is their overall numbers…I saw B.D. Murray in that Mexican Restaurant at the Burbank Airport once and—

Okay, fine, Larry King could take Bill in a knife fight, are you happy now? Can we get to NLCS banter? Los Dogs are hitting better this year than they have in postseason failures of the recent past…can the bats remain hot?

Who will start in Game One for the Dodgers?

What are you, a pampered scribe? You know who will start…

Ryu! Just kidding, it’s that Clayton fellow…if anyone deserves a ring, it’s C.K.

If Darvish can replicate what he did tonight (minus the wild beaning that nearly caved that dude’s face in) then the Dodgers have a real chance to—are you watching the knife fight from West Side Story? You have to let the Murray thing go, man…

Larry King can take them!

Until next time, mirth-seekers!!!

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