Dodgers Roll Into Breakdown Lane As Wheels Come Off in AZ

sacrifice at Dodger Stadium

August 31, 2017 by Shannon Michael Smith

“Dodgers lose again” is not often typed around these parts…they look to avoid the sweep today in Snakeville…

Noodles stank on ice last night…six earned runs? Time to yank his gigantic head out of the rotation…

His head is quite large…you know what that means, right?

Yep. He has a huge pillow.

Right. What’s his hat size, we wonder, 14 1/2?

Who cares…let’s talk about garbage time…we knew Adrian Gonzalez would screw up the mojo…

I thought you were giving him a break!

Hell no…you guys do realize that the reason Bellinger was injured in the first place was because they stuck him in left field to make room for A-Goon, right?

Well, there are also other issues that plague the Dodgers…look at it this way, he only costs over 40 million dollars a year to hit like crap, feel better?

The curse of Carl Crawford…sounds like a Hardy Boys novel…Jesus…are the wheels coming off?

Fred Flintstone’s footmobile has sturdier rollers…

Can Los Dogs regain the mojo?

Look, the magic run they went on was near impossible…it couldn’t last forever…our prediction? First round elimination…

Ugh, not again! 

Relax, we’re just messin’ with ya…if the season ended today, it would be bad…there’s a whole month left…

What should the Dodgers do?

The answer is simple. Sacrifice Gonzalez. On an altar. At Dodger Stadium.

Hmmmmm…I can picture it…Larry King and Mary Hart in black hooded robes…Dennis Gilbert raises the machete…

Yep, you got it…no stadium lights…candles only…

We’re in if they play Black Sabbath’s first album through the sound system…

Done.

Whew! That’s settled…let the wins roll in, baby!

Larry King’s dentures will have to be sacrificed as well…it’s for the good of the team…

You think he has a glass of water next to his bed with his choppers floating in it?

No doubt…he makes his 12-year old wife change the water every hour…

Hey, she’s not 12! Give the guy a break, she’s at least 16…

Alright, alright…

How did this devolve into a Larry King roast? Gonzalez must be sacrificed!!

Easy, big time, easy…

Who’s pitching this afternoon?

The ORIGINAL Five-Inning Fanny…

Who’s hurling for the Snakes?

“The Man That Should Have Never Gotten Away”, Zack Greinke…

Did they really try to replace him with Scott Kazmir?

Who? Can’t recall the fellow…blame it on the dopes upstairs…

Do you think they smoke great quantities of dope in the front office?

Hmmmm….they seem like pill heads to us…cleaner…neater…no one questions unhealthy-looking nerds gobbling pills like M&Ms…

Then why did Tequila Towers management confiscate ours?

Huh? There is no “Tequila Towers management” we wonder who you—oh, we know what happened…you ran into Alice Cooper in the halls again and he flimflammed you…

NOT AGAIN!!!

Until next time, mirth-seekers!!!

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