Hill Ill As Dodger Bats Are Chilled…No-No A-Go-Go

harrison

August 23, 2017 by Shannon Michael Smith

How the hell are they going to win a World Series if they can’t support a no-hitter? NO FRUIT CUP FOR YOU, DODGERS!!!

The Pirates aren’t exactly murderer’s row, but Rich Hill didn’t allow a hit through nine innings…trouble is, the Dodgers couldn’t score a Goddamn run as they let down their number three man in the land of George Romero…

The Pirates ended up hitting a home run off of Hill in the tenth…sickening stuff…final score: Pirates 1, Sad Sack Schmucks 0…

That was horrible…it doesn’t bode well for the playoffs…what the hell was that crap? Shut down by pathetic Pitt? Ugh…

Total garbage, the rest of the team should be ashamed of themselves…they screwed Hill worse than your average lap dancer at The Climaxxx Club…

Disgusting…

No Bellinger…no runs…sad, sad, sad as the Stones would say…

It’s a miracle at all that Nanny Roberts let him pitch the tenth inning, isn’t it?

Yeah, where was that decision last year? The whole thing is stomach churning…

What doomed Dodger hurler will take the hill (pun intended) tomorrow?

Noodles.

Who tosses for the Buggerin’ Knaves?

Chad Kuhl…who, ironically, is not cool. He listens to a lot of Jack Johnson, Pearl Jam, and Iz…

What is with Dave Vassegh’s voice? He sounds like Jeff Spicoli’s retarded little brother…

We couldn’t imagine a worse reporter than Michael Kay…yet, somehow Dave exists…

Gonzalez could barely stomach that interview today…2K jokes? Jesus…

We just don’t get it…baseball media is run by half-wits and cretins…are they all contest winners? Have they made pacts with Satan? Do they give really good blow jobs?

We don’t want to know…will Noodles freeze Freese tomorrow?

Possibly…his stock has gone up since he changed his name to “Tasty Freese”…

Is Max Moroff a KGB spy?

Nyet, comrade…Max on…Max off…

Is Josh Harrison the son of Jerry Harrison?

No, but Jerry Hairston is…he didn’t want to deal with Talking Heads questions, so he changed the spelling…

Is Chad Kuhl into Talking Heads?

No, that would make him cool…he much prefers Alice in Chains and Kanye…

Until next time, mirth-seekers!

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