Puig Punks Pale Hosiers, Tortured Tigers on Deck

rascalsoftheravine youth

August 16, 2017 by Shannon Michael Smith

Darvish’s Dodger Stadium home-debut didn’t dazzle…

Heck, he only coughed up three, but he’s hard on himself…in the postgame presser he confessed that he would have to punish himself by reading J-Rod articles in Cut 4…in the end, it didn’t matter…Puig pounced on the Pale Hose in the bottom of the ninth to send them packing…final score: Dodgers 5, Black Sox 4…

Why does Dave Vassegh dress like an Enterprise Rent-A-Car clerk? He’s a Dodger reporter, you’d think he’d consult a goddamn Brooks Brothers or something…

Pampered scribes are too busy stocking up on…you guessed it, Pampers…you’re more likely to find mustard stains on faded polos…

Is Jordan Zimmermann pitching on Friday night for The Striped Frenzy?

Yeah, the Dodgers have the day off tomorrow…they will take a tour bus to the MC5 museum and chase reds and yellowjackets with Schlitz Malt Liquor whilst they listen to classic American rock and roll…it’s all part of the tour.

Do they call Jordan “Zimm”?

No, they call him Mann, as in Manfred Mann’s Earth Band…he cranks ’em before every start…

I was just listening to Criminal Tango on the way to the rascalsoftheravine headquarters…

Wait, you’re typing this from inside the building? How did you get past the security guards? Damn you, Dimitri! We thought we smelled someone smoking angel dust in the halls…

Let those Tigers loose, baby!

They’ll have to face Rich “Strawberry” Hill…his nickname is, of course, derived from his absolute willingness to sell his body for whippet hits…

Until next time, mirth-seekers!!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s