All Sit! Bellinger Knocks On Judge’s Chambers

DOMO

August 13, 2017 by Shannon Michael Smith

Can you feel him, A.J.? He’s breathing down your neck…

That’s right, kids, Cody B. blasted his 34th bomb last night to pull within one jack of Judge….alright, we’ll do the math for you…Judge has 35…final score: Dodgers 6, Padres 3…

Did Jesus throw Utley out of the game last night?

Ha, no, just some creepy little ump named De Jesus…he hangs out with De Judge all the time…in his chambers…where they do hits out of a chamber…

Why the big toss?

Utley dared to ask DE Jesus to move so he wouldn’t get blocked out of a play…how dare he!

Does De Jesus have a God complex?

Clearly.

The Dodgers have reached win 82, isn’t that a history-making—

Look, when the Dodgers sneeze they make history at this point…quit the rah rah routine, you sound like a pampered scribe…

Didn’t Kershaw just host some healthy lifestyle to-do?

Yeah, it got pretty ugly…he force-fed children Subway turkey sandwiches with mustard and jalapeño…

Jesus…

De Jesus?

No, the actual Jesus—never mind, who’s hurling today?

The original Five-Inning Fanny…

Who gets the start for S.D.?

Whoa, we thought you said S.T.D….which makes sense because San Diego is the S.T.D. capital of the world…

Who’s pitching for the Padres, damnnit?

Luis “Domo” Perdomo…a man clearly obsessed with “Mr. Roboto” by Styx.

Who isn’t? 

Until next time, mirth-seekers!

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