Yu Da Man! Darvish Delights in Dodger Debut

Honeycutt's shoppe

August 5, 2017 by Shannon Michael Smith

Yu looks good in blue.

Okay, sure, his Rangers uniform had some blue in it, but it sure as hell wasn’t Pantone 294!

He ain’t no Five-Inning Fanny! Yu went seven, right?

We didn’t pitch last night! Oh, you meant Yu not you, this is going to take some getting Yu-sed to…heh heh…yes, Dashing Darvish went seven scoreless and only coughed up three hits…

Very cool, I thought it might take him a while to settle in, due to his 6-9 record entering the game and his shaky July…

Hey, he’s under Honeycutt’s wing now…the man is a freaking miracle worker.

Speaking of Honeycutt, shouldn’t the man be endorsing honey-baked hams? 

Thanksgiving is a few months away…

Taylor, Puig, and Utley went deep last night in support of Yu, right?

Yeah, and Utley’s was the sweetest, being against the Mets and all…final score Dodgers 6, Mets 0.

Do Mets fans still poke voodoo dolls of Chase Utley with pins?

No, but they burn effigies of him in the bleachers…

I wondered where all that smoke was coming from out there…I just figured Pantone 294 was sparking up en masse…

They wear their sunglasses at night!

Corey Hart would be proud, wouldn’t he?

He would, it should be their theme song…

Who’s hurling this afternoon for Los Dogs?

Rich “Negril” Hill (not nicknamed after the Jamaican resort town, but because of his refusal to grill anything “Rich nah grill”) will take the mound today…

What about The Bad Guys?

Who knows? They have no arms left due to injuries…The Mets are holding some fan contest to see who has the best stuff…the winner gets to take the hill against the Dodgers…he will also receive a case of Turtle Wax.

Why are people always giving away Turtle Wax?

We’ve been slow to come up with an answer for that one…get it…slow…cause of turtles…

Yeah, geez, that’s awful…who’s really pitching for the Mets today?

Seth Lugo…he had a city named after him in northwestern Spain…

Nice! Isn’t Lugo the sister city of Qinhuangdao in the People’s Republic of China?

Jesus, you’re scaring us now…

It’s also the twin town of Dinan, France…

Just ask us another baseball question, weirdo…

Is Brandon Nimmo’s favorite movie Finding Nemo?

Obviously…

Does Logan Forsythe have tremendous foresight?

Yes, he knew he would be a Dodger whilst still in the womb…

Has Cody Bellinger ever had his bell rung?

No, but his favorite song is “If I Were A Bell” from Guys and Dolls

Great song, written by Frank Loesser, right? We always expected more out of him…

More out of Loesser? Oh, God, we get it now…

Until next time, mirth-seekers!

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