Bellinger Bests Freaks of Fran-Fran

dolly madison bumgarner

July 30, 2017 by Shannon Michael Smith

Have you dug Bellinger’s right elbow guard?

It has his last name written across it in this awesome 1980 Olympics font…he was -15 when those games were played…

Forget about elbow guards, what happened in the game yesterday?

Rich Hill held the Battery Chucks to just one run. Bellinger drove in Seager in the first inning (ditto in the third) to put up the Dodgers two runs. Final score: Dodgers 2, Giants 1.

Who’s pitching for Fran-Fran today?

Out of total desperation to save a game in the series, the G-Men have flip-flopped Cain for Mad Bum…

Did the Dodgers have to get special shots from the doctor because Mad Bum will be on the field?

Yes, doctors that specialize in rabies, ebola, smallpox, herpes, bubonic plague, and eastern equine encephalitis were all in attendance to make sure Mad Bum’s infectious diseases don’t get loose…again…

People keep focusing on his ailments and they tend to forget how truly ugly Mad Bum is…who’s pitching for Los Dogs?

Sire of the soft injury, Hyun-Jin Ryu…the pillow he slept on last night left these little lines on his face, so we’re not sure if he’ll be able to make the start today.

Enough of that, let’s get back to ripping on Mad Bum…does he really have a 1-4 record?


Is it true his mom named him Madison because of her addiction to Dolly Madison pies and cakes?

Wow, somebody’s done their homework…unlike Mad Bum who flunked the sixth grade nineteen times…

How badly would Mad Bum have been beaten if Puig hadn’t been restrained that night?

Are you kidding? Puig’s ripped. Mad Bum looks like he sleeps under a bridge. We’ve seen more formidable contestants on “Bum Fights.” When you think about it, Puig would just be doing Mad Bum a favor by knocking out his two front teeth…he’d revert to his natural hillbilly state…just plop a banjo on his lap and let the good times roll!

Until next time, mirth-seekers!!!!

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