July 28, 2017 by Shannon Michael Smith
We have nothing against Johnny Hates Jazz. We enjoy the song “Shattered Dreams” from time-to-time, but we certainly don’t want to see blue tears flow at the Ravine this season! Will ’17 be the year that the Dodgers finally get past the NLCS?
Up until the Rich Hill/Josh Reddick deal last year, the Dodgers hadn’t done much at the trade deadline. Let’s put it this way, pampered scribes could only compare it to the Manny deal because that was the most recent thing the front office had done pre-deadline. How will the front office fare this year?
We’re pretty confident they’re smelling World Series (or is that just Larry King’s cologne? It smells like ancient tuna and tears, in case you’re wondering) and will pick up Darvish, Grey, or Verlander (least likely cause of the three cause of the 28 million smackers he commands for the next two years.) We’ve turned our flamethrower on Friedman and Zaidi with glee in the past. Surely the front office must realize that they can’t rely on Maeda, McCarthy, and Ryu in the postseason?
How will Wood bounce back from the loss against the Braves?
The Giants are a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad team. Rudy Stein could shut them down.
Will San Fran bring the Crazy Crab with them?
Do Mad Bum’s “Crazy Crabs” that he picked up in a Hickory whorehouse count?
Ah ha! That’s why they had him in a separate bus like The Boy in the Plastic Bubble when the Giants rolled into town.
That and the skunk stench…and the addiction to eating raw onions whole…and the drooling…and the open sores…and the non-stop singing of Whitesnake songs…and the lice…and the urine drinking…and the fleas in his beard…and the sick worship of Ralph Barbieri…
Who’s hurling for Fran-Fran?
Matt Moore will take his dominant (3-10) record to the hill tonight…his ERA of 175.182 has the Dodgers mighty scared…his sister, Mandy Moore, will be in the house to cheer on the struggling starter…his mother, Mary-Tyler Moore, is still shaken up after the sweep of the Minnesota Twins and will not attend…
Where is Brandon’s belt? Can Denard’s throws span both bay bridges? Does Buster pose for every picture that comes his way? Is Joe in a panic? Does Carlos really carry more grief than most? Does Pence really hunt? Did Hernandez open a Russian-themed cafe downtown in the ‘80s called “Gorky’s”? Inquiring minds want to know!
Until next time, mirth-seekers!