July 27, 2017 by Shannon Michael Smith
Dick Van Dyke’s getting pissed.
Why? Because the Dodgers are putting Bert, the chimney sweep to shame! They live for the big broom, and Lord, don’t they wield it!
Last night it seemed like the Dodgers might actually lose a game…silly us.
The Blue Crew were down 5-0, until the fourth inning, when Pederson launched a Santana riff over the wall. Puig played copycat in the fifth. Utley doubled in a couple of rabbits in the seventh and Forsythe sac’d in the tying run in the eighth. Leave it to jolly ole’ Kris Kringle Jr. (Justin Turner) to knock in the winning run…move over, Rudolph and Frosty’s Christmas in July, this is Santa’s party, baby!
Final score: Dodgers 6, Twins 5.
The Dodgers have the day off today before going into this weekend’s series with Fran-Fran. Charley Steiner has been calling them “The artist formerly known as the Giants.” It’s true, who is that zombie squad up north? They weren’t exactly awful last year, they had some bullpen problems that were supposedly fixed in the off-season, most folks (including us) thought they’d give Los Dogs a serious run for their money…what the hell happened to them?
Screw them, who cares? They’re evil, remember?
Whoa, usually the disembodied voice asking the questions is the nice one. Who put orange juice in your Honeycombs this morning?
Who’s pitching tomorrow?
You’ll have to wait until mañana’s post to find out. We need something to write about, sheesh…
Okay then, what are the Dodgers doing on their day off at home?
Funny you should ask…Maeda’s lifting weights at Muscle Beach, Utley’s sneaking some bourbon into a showing of Dunkirk at Grauman’s Chinese Theatre, Taylor’s getting a tattoo of Tippi Hedren in Tarzana, Bellinger and Pederson are downing sake bombs with Motley Crue at Moonshadows, Seager is sailing off San Clemente with Christopher Cross, Puig and Shia LaBeouf have rented out the Hollywood Bowl for a cockfighting contest, and Justin Turner is glueing hair clippings from his beard to the top of his head…
What do the groundskeepers play at Dodger Stadium when they’re working on the grass?
Why, Marshall Crenshaw’s Field Day, get it? Baseball field…
Ugh…yeah, we get it…
Until next time, mirth-seekers!