Taylor Torpedos Twinkies As Dodgers Reach 70

roth at tower records

July 26, 2017 by Shannon Michael Smith

Can you imagine what this season would be like without Taylor or Bellinger?

Well, it’s lucky you don’t have to. Tayyyyloooor drove in three rabbits on two doubles, Maeda only coughed up one run, and Larry King transformed into a bat and flew into the press box to the delight of all…maybe we dreamed that last part during the power outage that held up the game for quite a while (we’re looking at you, Ray Lewis.) Final score: Dodgers 6, Twins 2.

Alright, it wasn’t exactly a power outage, a wacky double-switch-ish led to an 18-minute delay, which left plenty of time for organist, Dieter Ruehle, to play the entire version of “In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida” by Iron Butterfly…well done, sir!

The Dodgers have now won 70 games and will go for the sweep tonight at the Ravine…

Who’s pitching tonight?

Brock Stewart. You don’t know him. If this were the Flintstones universe, he would be named Rock Stewart. Then he could face Zack Granite and the world would implode…

What about for Minnesota?

Ervin Santana will take the hill for the Twins. Carlos Santana wanted one of his kids to sound intelligent, so he gave him a nerd’s name. Hey, it’s better than his other goofy kids’ monikers: Moonflower, Sunbeam, and Dirt Weed…yes, Santana really has a son named Dirt Weed, look it up!

Remember when David Lee Roth got busted for buying dirt weed in Central Park?

No.

C’mon, how could you guys forget? 

We’re not really into Roth.

What? That’s not true, I saw your staff at the Tower Records release party for the Skyscraper album on Sunset Blvd. in 1988…

There were free drinks, give us a break…plus one of our staffers obtained crabs from one of Roth’s girls and he promised a free “crab fogging” if we showed up at his crummy party.

Until next time, mirth-seekers!

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