Break Out the Doan’s Pills, King Kersh Hits 10-Day DL

Kersh's remedy

July 24, 2017 by Shannon Michael Smith

First, the big news…

As most of you know by now, Kommander Kersh is tangoing to the 10-Day DL with right lower back tightness. McCarthy’s a mess, so the Dodgers will chuck Hyun-Jin Ryu out on the hill tonight (he’s been out for three weeks with mild eyebrow strain.) The Blue Crew weathered the Kersh-less storm last year fairly well. Do they have the depth to do it again? Most importantly, who will make the Subway runs for turkey (no mayo, just a dab of mustard) and jalapeño sandwiches in Clayton’s absence? We shall see…

It was a wild one yesterday…Bellinger hit number 27…Jansen blew the save…Forsythe singled in the winning run in the 10th…Dennis Gilbert gave hula lessons on top of Atlanta’s dugout after the game…

The Twins are coming!

Settle down, Larry King, we’re not talking about the Olsen twins. The Minnesota Twinkies are rolling into Chavez Ravine tonight 2.5 games out of first place in the AL Central.

We know about Mauer and Dozier but who else plays for Minnesota these days? They’re a bunch of mystery men…

Well, let’s see, there’s catcher, Jason Castro, great-grandson of Fidel…infielder Eduardo Escobar (he recently changed his name from Eduardo Eduardo as he’s trying to leave his dark past as a Venezuelan breakdancer behind him)…center fielder, Zack Granite, who, of course, was a smash sensation at Bedrock High before the Rockies signed him and eventually traded him to the Twins…his grandfather, Cary Granite, was a huge star in Hollyrock in the ‘60s…Brian Dozier, the sleeping pill magnate, needs no introduction…Max Kepler stole his name from a bit part in Guys and Dolls…his real name, as everyone knows, is Jonathan Fickle…

That about covers it. Wait, is Bartolo Colon really pitching for the Twins tonight?

Only after the Twins obtained a $500 Camacho’s Nachos gift card for Bartolo…that was non-negotiable in Colon’s contract. He also demanded a ticket in the all-you-can eat section of the bleachers, which is really unusual for a player…

Until next time, mirth-seekers!

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