July 22, 2017 by Shannon Michael Smith
The Dodgers look stoned.
Dropping easy pop outs, swinging at crummy pitches, exchanging phone numbers with Charlie Sheen…who replaced the red-hot Dogs with the Bad News Bears, Mad Bum? We wouldn’t put it past that redneck freak to kidnap the entire Dodger squad and hole them up in one of his skinnin’ shacks in the south…
Final score at the Ravine: My People Call It Maize 12, Dodgers 3.
Alex Wood earned his first loss of the year, prompting pampered scribes to shout “how much wood can you really chuck”, at Alex as he retreated in tears toward his presumably giant home and obscenely huge pile of cash. Nothing like a cash bath to ease the pain of a hideous loss…hey, he can always hit up Carl Crawford if he burns through it too fast.
Who’s pitching tonight?
Rich “The Thrill” Hill (not nicknamed because of the fact that Hill rhymes with thrill, but because of his addiction to the Thriller album by Michael Jackson.) will take the hill with Bill, the honorary Dodger landscaper who has the honor of handing Rich the ball tonight…
Why all the night games at Dodger Stadium, you’d think they’d play in the sun once in a while?
Yeah we wondered about that…we thought about it for a while before the answer hit us over the head like a hammer, it’s so obvious…LARRY KING IS A VAMPIRE!
Until next time, mirth-seekers!!!