King Kershaw Clobbers Pale Hose, Dodgers Roll To 65


July 19, 2017 by Shannon Michael Smith

Guaranteed Rate Field just rolls off the tongue, doesn’t it?

“Hey, man, what’s up?”

“Just headed to the GARF to catch a White Sox game.”

“The GARF?”

“Yeah, you know, the hip nickname for Guaranteed Rate Field…all the smart people are calling it the GARF now…”

“Oh, I get it now. The GARF…it feels good to say that.”

Purveyors of the Pale Hose, can you dig it? GARF T-shirts are flying off the shelves like hotcakes, GARF bumper stickers adorn the backsides of posh vehicles, the swirling smoke of GARF Indica plumes from the bong of John Cusack…


Cue the Blue Tornado, A Tasmanian Devil-esque twister of total destruction….some call them Los Demon Dogs…others El Diablo Azul…

Are you guys talking about the Dodgers?

You bet, Flounder.

Did King Kersh hold off the South Siders?

It was a close one, 1-0, but yeah, he did. Lord Bellinger drove in the lone run. Kersh is now 15-2…it is mind-boggling to think that the Dodgers could have 70 wins heading into August.

Who’s on the mound tonight?

The original five-inning fanny himself, Kenta Maeda. He’s only seen the sixth inning three times this year…although he’s won his last three out of four starts.

Who’s hurling for the White Sox?

Maeda looked very nervous when RODAN was announced as his opponent. After a very tense four-hour discussion between his interpreter and MLB officials, Maeda was made to understand that he would be facing Carlos Rodon and not RODAN, the daikaiju monster from the Godzilla movies…

Do the Dodgers return to Los Angeles after the game tonight?

Yes, this is just a “Two-game Tessie”.

What does that mean?

It means it’s not a three-game series. The term originates from 1905 when ballplayers would shack up with various concubines on road trips. A girl that stayed in a player’s hotel room for more than one night was known as a “Two-game Tessie”…

Until next time, mirth-seekers!

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