Papa-Oom-Mow-Mow! Puig Pulverizes Marlin Men

apple screws rascalsoftheravine

July 15, 2017 by Shannon Michael Smith

Well, if all they had to do was surround Puig with young superstars to take the pressure off, why the heck didn’t they do it before?

We keeeeeedddd, but, seriously, you can’t take your eyes off this Dodger club, they’re approaching ’98 Yankees territory for corn’s sake! Los Dogs were down to their final strike in the land of Crockett and Tubbs when peligroso Puig packed a pitch full of TNT and sent the Dodger bench into hysterics.

Final score: Dodgers 6, Miami 4.

Apple News Publisher is killing this blog. 

Y’see, most of you fine folks don’t read rascalsoftheravine through the blog itself, you tune into the Apple News Channel version, however, the site has been down FOR A FREAKING WEEK and the dispsh*% geek motherf*&#**S haven’t done sh*& to fix it!!! We apologize on their smug behalf and sincerely hope their headquarters sink into the ground at the hands of the Moleman or some other supervillain, STAT!

Why does Apple hate you guys so much?

They’re all pissed-off Giants fans, natch.

At least one of your writers is from Los Gatos, can’t he bribe Woz or something?

The last time we bribed Woz was in ’82 when we gave him two cases of White Castle to let us pick all the bands for the US Festival’s lineup on Friday, September 3rd (look up the talent folks, it puts Coach-hell-a to shame.) Woz’ prices have gone up significantly. Now he wants three cases and we just can’t afford it.

That sucks, what are you going to do?

Well, we called Sammy Hagar, Rob Halford, and Klaus Meine…we agreed that there’s nothing left to do but storm the castle. We’re going to drink twenty pitchers of Waboritas and burn the place down.

Will you kill every man, woman, and child in the building?

Wait, children work there? Damn, they truly are evil.

Until next time, mirth-seekers!!!

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