Utley Eats 1,000 Ribs As Dodgers Foil Royals

kevin kennedy is not one of these kennedys

July 8, 2017 by Shannon Michael Smith

KC Masterpiece?

“Dodgers win again” are words we haven’t grown tired of typing this first half. Puig powerhoused his 16th jack, Utley knocked in his 1,000th career RBI, and Maeda managed a mega win in Los Dogs’ 4-1 victory over Kansas City last night.

Why did the Royals practically copy the Dodgers’ uniform?

We ask ourselves that from time to time…shouldn’t the Royals wear purple? Why the Dodger uniform rip off? The Royals are also known as “the blue crew”…what gives?

McCarthy’s off the DL, is he pitching tonight?

Yes, the Grim Mortician will take the hill IN SEARCH OF Leonard Nimoy…and his seventh win.

We heard that Ian Kennedy is hurling for the Royals tonight, is he part of the infamous Kennedy clan?

He sure is, but instead of drinking himself blind drunk on yachts, Ian prefers to collect dead skin in tiny little boxes which he nibbles on periodically, like Goldmember.

Where the hell was Rick Monday last night?

We’re not sure, he might have been on the TV side, the dulcet tones of Mumblin’ Kevin Kennedy (his stage name when he plays blues concerts across the southern states) graced the airwaves alongside Mister Steiner (which also happens to be his stage name when he plays blues concerts across the southern states).

Wait, we’re confused, is Kevin Kennedy also part of the infamous Kennedy clan?

No, but Kevin sang for the Dead Kennedys for a stint after Jello Biafra bailed out.

Until next time, mirth seekers!

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