Dodger Fans Vote Kenley Jansen As Biggest Tool

Jansen's Syrup

July 5, 2017 by Shannon Michael Smith

All-Star voting is a joke.

Who hits up the MLB site every day and votes a bunch of times for the same guys? Invalids? Mouth-breathers? People from the east coast?

MLB has passed over Los Angeles for the All-Star game year after year, Dodger stadium hasn’t seen it since 1980. Many teams have hosted it twice since then, and yet people expect Dodger fans to care about who gets voted in. Kenley Jansen whined at the media like a pathetic clown last week.

Maybe Kenley Jansen should be more concerned about his pitching than if his teammates get voted into the stupid All-Star game. The kook from Curacao coughed up a three-run jack that nearly totaled Kersh’s start last night. Somebody should show Jansen the Dodger Stadium attendance records, then maybe he’d realize who has the best fans in baseball. Shut up and pitch Jansen…and make us a pitcher of Blue Curacaos while you’re at it.

Ha! Jansen is indeed a tool, who’s pitching tonight?

Wood will wind up in search of his tenth win.

Who’s hurling for the D-Backs?

Starting for the Snakes is…bwahahahahahah we can barely get his name out…Zack Godley?!?!?! Sounds like a name made up by a zit-addled brace-face hoisting a tennis racquet guitar. “Ladies and gentleman, we regret that Jimmy Page will be unable to play tonight’s show due to illness, his replacement on lead guitar will be none other than…Zack Godley!” This is the part where the zit-addled brace face makes fake crowd noises and pumps his fists into the air…kind of like when Kenley Jansen’s in the shower and he pretends he’s been voted into the All-Star game and that Dodger fans actually give a crap about him.

Was Kenley Jansen bullied on that crummy little island he grew up on?

He’s always pouting and his face does scream “somebody kick my ass” so we’re guessing yes…

Was he voted “most likely to…” something in his high school yearbook?

Do they even have yearbooks in Curacao? Or Schools? We just figured everyone took bartending courses and went from there…if his school did have a yearbook he was probably voted “most likely to moan”, kind of like Moaning Myrtle!

Until next time, mirth-seekers!!

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