July 2, 2017 by Shannon Michael Smith
Rich Hill hurled seven ill innings of shutout baseball, Seager and Turner hit jumpin’ jacks, and Tayyylooor whipped out his grand salami in the Dodgers’ 8-0 paddling of the feckless Friars last night at Petco Park.
The Dodgers reached 55 wins last night in America’s Finest City (yes, they really call themselves that in San Diego…they should take Ron Burgundy’s advice) and will go for the sweep this afternoon.
It’s a good thing Rich’s troublesome digit hasn’t reared its ugly head.
They suspended Roberts for one game because he shoved Andy Green, do you think that’s fair?
Who cares? They’re going to air the Green/Roberts cage match in two weeks on pay-per-view and our money’s on Rabid Roberts! Green’s too serene to make the scene, Big Wave Dave will make him eat concrete! You saw Roberts give the double V-sign at his peepers and then back at Andy Gump…the Friars’ port-a-potty loving skipper is doomed.
Who’s hurling for Los Dogs today?
Kenta Maeda (who was the “Go Moto” voice of Motorola for several years) will take the hill.
What about for the punchless Padres?
Jhoulys Chacin. Wait, is that a typo? Jhoulys? Jesus, his mother might as well have named him Mxyzptlk…the only thing he’ll be “chasin” after the loss is a bottle of Pepto-Bismol and a quart of rye.
Until next time, mirth-seekers!