Sad Sack Mets Boo Hoo Puig’s Panache

Mets Fan

June 22, 2017 by Shannon Michael Smith

No team is full of more idiotic bravado than the Mets, and boy, did they show it during the 8-2 beatdown Los Dogs put on them last night.

They have a moronic outfielder who has a supercar for every day of the week. Their pitchers are nicknamed after superheroes. Their mascots flip off fans.

But, don’t you DARE have fun while you beat them (at home !?!?) and you’d better sprint around those bases if you hit a bomb. We love the whole “let us be ourselves and celebrate” mantra that bounces around the league EXCEPT in the case of Yasiel Puig, who’s expected to act like a combo of Cal Ripkin Jr., Christy Mathewson, and Richie Cunningham.

Why Are The Mets So Mean?

Because they suck. They have the talent to get the World Series and they won’t. They’re under a big spotlight in cretin town and there are lotsa games left.

Can’t Cespedes take the team out for lattes in his supercar just like in Zoolander? Won’t that ease some of their pain?

Maybe…

Can’t the team drown their sorrows at Billy Joel’s house? He seems like he’d have a pretty big wine cellar…

We don’t think anyone on the Mets knows who Billy Joel is.

Does Joel live in that house on the cover of the Glass Houses album? 

You’re getting way off track here…

Will some of the Mets’ players cry if Puig hits another home run tonight?

What do you think? They’re born bawlers…get it?

Until next time, mirth-seekers!!!

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