Dodgers Put Pink Stink On Cocksure Colorado

rascalsoftheravine's ride

May 14, 2017 by Shannon Michael Smith

Hey, we’re all for alt unis and such (see rascalsoftheravine’s fine post “3 Ways To Improve The Dodger Uniform”) but these Mother’s Day eyesores that the league has rolled out are atrocious. It’s not the pink, it’s not the grey, it’s the fact that EVERY TEAM IS WEARING THE SAME DAMN THING! Why??? Each team should have had their own unique spin on the pink as opposed to having every home and road uniform altered in the same way throughout the league (if you watch multiple contests simultaneously like we do, this became a huge issue fairly quickly as every game looked the same.)

Who Cares About Uniforms, What Happened In The Game Yesterday?

The fresh face club contributed nicely in last night’s victory. Steiner commented that the lineup last night was more like a Sunday afternoon cast (after a late night Saturday game) of bench dudes and AAA straddlers. Don’t tell that to Austin Barnes who doubled in Hernandez in the second inning to put Los Dogs on the board. Alex Wood sac bunted Barnes in later in the inning to put the Dodgers up 2-0.

Brett Eibner (whose last name evokes an optometrist or an ophthalmologist…paging Dr. Eibner…Dr. Eibner please pick up the white courtesy phone..) got the ball rolling with a supersonic home run that reportedly just landed in Tampa Bay somewhere…the giant jack surprised most fans because he’s…Brett Eibner…

Final Score: Dodgers 4, Rockies 0

Was Wood Hard?

Rock hard! Alex allowed zero runs in six innings worth of work…he also struck out ten men…he also sprays Axe on his pink bat to bring out the sexy.

He’s Had A Couple Of Great Starts In-A-Row, Will He Get Injured Now?

Yes.

Who’s Pitching Today?

Ol’ goofy goggles himself, Julio Urias.

Wasn’t He Awesome Against The Pirates In His Last Start?

OH YEAH, he took a no-no into the seventh…WOULD ROBERTS HAVE PULLED HIM IF HE KEPT IT UP? Probably…it’s the only thing we hate about Roberts, he’s aces otherwise…a no hitter is such a rare thing, that to pull a starter from a career-making event like that is…criminal.

Speaking Of Criminal, Isn’t “Criminal World” by Metro a Great Song, Didn’t Bowie Cover It?

Focus! Antonio “The Little Prince” Senzatela or Principito as he’s called (because he comes from the same town in Venezuela as Seattle pitcher, “King Felix” Hernandez) will take the hill today for the Rockies.

Can Senzatela stifle Seager? Will Urias (this is so hard, because the first three letters of his name are U-R-I, and there’s only one other word that springs to mind that starts with those letters, and it’s urine…see what we have to work through? Kidney stone jokes! Take that, pampered scribes!) gouge Garneau and Gonzalez? Stay tuned! Until next time, mirth-seekers!!!

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