Dogs Bite Battery Chucks, Dig Up Four Bones In 10th

Phillies fan, pre-puke

April 28, 2017 by Shannon Michael Smith

The Dodgers won late? You mean after the eighth inning? They scored four runs in the top of the tenth??? YOU LIE!!! Nope, friends, it really happened…

Gonzalez had a clutch walk (oh, how the mighty have fallen) to start things off, Utley singled, Grandal walked, and Andrew Toles drove in the go ahead run. By the middle of the tenth the final score had been decided: Dodgers 5, Hated Ones 1…

The titanic teen and his terrible trifocals pitched a decent 5.2 innings. Urias only surrendered one lone run on four measly hits. Dave Roberts and Co. were going to reward him with Little Caesars after the game, as promised…however, his mother removed him from the game in the sixth inning because Urias forgot to shut off his Playstation 4, again, and he knows how much his mom hates that, but he just won’t listen, he won’t, he’s so stubborn, he takes after his grandfather, that man was as stubborn as a mule…

Tonight the fightin’ Phills come to town…Jerad Eickhoff (0-1, 2.55 ERA) will take the hill for the out-of-towners, Kenta Maeda (1-2, 8.05 ERA) will try to hold Philadelphia to under eight runs…

Will Phillies Fans Try To Throw Up On Us?

Haha, no, not to worry, that kind of stuff only happens out there, they wouldn’t try it here…ewww, seriously dude? I just bought this! Somebody google “how to remove regurgitated Pat’s Steaks from a madras shirt…”

Will J. Eickhoff (we’ve been waiting to type that all day…get it? Jeickoff? *sigh*, we’re no better than Phillies fans…) best Bellinger and Barnes? Will magnificent Maeda antagonize Aaron Altherr? Will rascalsoftheravine rebuke the Michael Rapaport ringer that retched on our righteous rags? Stay tuned! Until next time, mirth-seekers!

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