April 27, 2016 by Shannon Michael Smith
The Fog Of Score?
Baez felt the Frisco freeze as he surrendered the tying run into the icy bay. The same frozen waters that Clint Eastwood dove into as he attempted to swim his ass out of Alcatraz. Final score = Hated Ones 4, Dodgers 3.
Is Romo Still On The Giants?
He sure seems to love helping them out as he coughed up two runs last night (and many others so far this season—10.57 ERA). Perhaps an interrogation is in order. We here at rascalsoftheravine are beginning to question his loyalty. Bring out the rubber hose and phone book gang! “Talk, Serg, how much are they paying you?!?!?!”
Yippee! Hooray! Bellinger Is Here!
It’s nice. We can’t wait to see how he’ll do. Winning games, however, is something we can get excited about. We’ll do triple-flips and dance around the May Pole when the Dodgers actually win a freaking series.
Julio Urias and his goofy glasses will take the hill for Los Dogs today at 12:45 in Fran Fran. Misguided Matt Moore, a Massachusetts mime major, makes merry on the mound for the morons.
Will the only split the Dodgers see come in the form of a banana? Will Urias’ silly specs get swollen with every strikeout? Will rascalsoftheravine remove the court order that keeps us 200 yards away from Kelli Tennant? We’re working on it, already! Ever since Linda Carter, we’ve had a thing for Amazonians, give us a break!
Until next time, mirth-seekers!