April 22, 2017 by Shannon Michael Smith
Nine runs? Nine? You read it right, folks. Los Dogs were torched for nine runs in an apocalyptic eighth inning meltdown at Chase Field last night.
(Say it like Steel Pulse) Who Responsible?
Romo was reluctantly ravaged for five runs. Stripling and Avilan coughed up two apiece…let’s not forget that starting pitcher, Alex Wood, surrendered four. Final score: D-Backs 13, Dodgers 5. Ooooooffffff…
The game started out well for Los Dogs. Joc ripped an opening single and Seager immediately homered afterward. Taylor smoked a solo shot in the seventh inning to bring the Dodgers up 5-4…an inning later, the wheels came off.
Did Ya Hear About Mad Bum?
He pulled a Evil Knievel and tried to jump the Colorado River on a jet powered ATV…sadly his attempt failed and he tumbled into a two-month (at least) stint on the DL…why can’t Mad Bum take up safer hobbies like juggling chainsaws or bare-handed piranha fishing?
Story Time With Uncle Rick
Mad Bum’s idiocy had us thinking about players or famous folk who take out big protection policies on various parts of their bodies. Rick Monday told a great story last night about a Joe Walsh trip to Florida back in the day. Some folks took Joe to see some alligators and required assistance at some point. Walsh stepped back and announced that his hands were insured by Lloyd’s Of London and that the alligator wrasslers were on their own…we wonder if Kershaw pulls that stuff when his wife is peeling potatoes or reaching into the garbage disposal…
Game Two of the series against Arizona begins at 5:10 today…
After a couple of extra days off, Kenta Maeda (1-1) will try to lower his swollen ERA of 7.07—Rotten Robbie Ray (1.96 ERA) will take the hill for the Snakes. He fanned ten Dogs the last time LA laid their peepers on him.
Will Rotten Robbie toil at the hands of Turner, Taylor, and Toles? Will Maeda make mud pies with Jeff Mathis? Will he deal death to Descalso and Drury? Will he haze Hazelbaker and Herrmann? Stay tuned! Until tomorrow, mirth-seekers!