Dodgers Doomed To A Dismal ’17? Duh!

Brooklyn fans
Image by © Bettmann/CORBIS

March 27, 2017 by Shannon Michael Smith

Hi-Ho!

The Spring Training honeymoon is over! We’re back in Los Angle-Us! Time to rip into this silly squad, pronto!

Once again, the Dodgers are unable to put a decent starting staff behind Clayton Kershaw. Rich Hill is beyond ill, Maeda’s a short-timer, and Kazmir looks shakier than Michael J. Fox.

Don’t even get us started on Ryu…

Hell, maybe McCarthy will last three weeks, wouldn’t that be something!

Even with the Forsythe addition at second, the Dodgers are doomed to fall short in ’17. The Giants won’t crap out again, the Mets will be healthier, and the Cubs certainly aren’t going anywhere.

We’ll be hitting El Compadre harder than ever…it’s going to be a loooonnnngg season…

How will the NL West finish this year?

  1. Giants
  2. Dodgers
  3. Everyone else stinks

Our prediction for Los Dogs this year is nearly a carbon copy of last year. It’ll be death at the hands of either the Giants, Mets, or Cubs.

WHOOOOPPEEEEE!

Where’s my Andrew Friedman bobblehead? The one that nods “yes” to the crappiest transactions in baseball!

HAVE YOU HEARD ABOUT THE VIN SCULLY IMITATORS?

Yes, friends, it’s true. A team of Scully imitators will drive fans in various trams throughout Chavez Ravine from their parked cars to the stadium (this is a 15 mile walk for those that have never been to Elysian Park.)

The trams will have a PA system, much like the ones at Universal Studios, and each tram will be helmed by a man who looks, dresses, and sounds exactly like our beloved Vin.

The idea is that the Vin-bots will provide whimsical tales of mirth and Dodger history as the Blue Crew-faithful are whisked into the stadium.

FREAKY!

We like! It’s so bizarre, we’re surprised we didn’t come up with this ourselves! Wouldn’t it be great if the fake “Vins” piped ‘50s show tunes into the trams and munched on Farmer John hot dogs the entire voyage? Lucky “winners” could share a flask of Old Grandad with the beloved broadcaster! Sign us up!

This is by far the coolest thing the Dodgers are doing this year, whoever came up with the idea should be given a million dollars and a key to the city. Recognize greatness when you see it, people!

Hey! Where’s Tom Fostex?

We had to leave him in Arizona with the local authorities over the ol’ hit-and-run, BUT he WILL be back in time for opening day. Fostex will shake some action at the Ravine and break down all the parking lot mayhem (he may be on the Dodger Stadium “no-fly list” by now, so we’ll see if he can actually enter the park) while the rest of the staff document the action inside.

What about Seager?

It might be a while before (read the following like Chris Berman) Seager and the Silver Bullet Band ride again! Corey’s tender oblique has kept him out of action throughout most of the spring…they may not put him in the lineup until mid-April. We’ll keep you posted…’cause this blog is where you go for up-to-the minute info on Dodger health (yeah, right, sheesh.)

Dodger Opening Day is one week away! We’re going to park as far away from the stadium as possible to get the longest ride on the Vin Tram! Can you dig it?

Until next time…WAIT! We almost forgot! We have shirts now! If you’d like to buy one of the boss-T’s you see below, go ahead and order!

We have Med-XL in light blue (back of shirt also states “rascalsoftheravine.com”) at the low-low price of $29.95 (email shannonmichaelsmith@gmail.com) for orders…do it NOW before they’re gone, mirth-seekers!!!

rascalsofravine shirt '17

One thought on “Dodgers Doomed To A Dismal ’17? Duh!

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