Fostex’ Fanfest Adventures Part II!


February 8, 2017 by Shannon Michael Smith/Tom Fostex

Well, it appears as if Sergio Romo will be joining the Dodger bullpen (pending a physical) on a one-year deal. He’ll join Liberatore (who’s fully recovered from surgery and is supposedly throwing off the mound) and the salty squad that helped win the west in ’16. Romo should make a nice addition.

Bellinger in the outfield? We’ll certainly see it happen during Spring Training. We know the top prospect can play first, but it’s no secret that the Dodgers could use some more offensive production out of their outfield.

Alright, already! We know you’re all clamoring for the second part of Tom Fostex’ adventure at Dodger Fanfest…he’s really sent the ol’ budget skyrocketing. When Tequila Towers’ el jefe in Arizona found out Fostex was coming to Spring Training with us, he tripled our deposit fee!

Without further ado, Tom Fostex presents his Fanfest Adventure Part II!

As I reached the top of the stairs in Lower Reserve and headed into the concourse, I recalled the TV test pattern-type paint job they used to have on the concourse walls, alternating fat stripes in light blue, orange, and mustard. It complimented Dodger Stadium’s Tomorrowland-esque, rocket-to-the-moon design. Now the walls are white. How thrilling.

 As I stood there wondering how the color orange permeated Dodger Stadium back then, I noticed a frantic commotion going on at one of the condiment stations.

 A portly British gentleman in a pith helmet was being wrestled to the ground and tazed by two LAPD officers. The bold Brit had apparently stuffed a bunch of churros and Twizzlers into his British Indian Army officer’s tunic and was trying to abscond with them. The LAPD lads were having trouble keeping my fellow scribe (I had recognized the Brit, as Col. Mustard immediately) on the ground as he began to thrash around like a hippo in a mud pit.

 “They’ll deport you for this,” I shouted at Mustard. He just kept kicking and writhing.

 “Savages!” shrieked Mustard.

I made a mental note to break the bad news to Smith when I got back to the office and continued on down the concourse. Knowing Mustard, he had tried to buy concessions with pounds instead of dollars and they laughed him off. Poor fellow must have snapped.

I passed a nearly-empty burger stand and was shocked to see a Charlie Culberson clone sliding some French fries down a chute to a customer. Hell, with what they’re paying him in comparison to the other Dodgers, Culberson probably is flipping burgs back there. He could use the dough, undoubtedly.

I took the escalator upstairs and slipped by a security guard (no one was supposed to be in the Loge or Upper Reserve areas) in search of Nancy Bea’s dusty organ (easy now, perverts.)

The organ was nowhere to be found but I did manage to spy The Kasten Gang holed up in a room counting piles of gold coins like Scrooge McDuck (oddly enough, they were all dressed like McDuck too, or Rich Uncle Pennybags from the Monopoly game, whomever you prefer.)

On my way back to the escalator, I caught a glimpse of the press box and got chills thinking of a Scully-less 2017. A door at the end of the hall was open and I peered inside.

 It was Scully’s old office. It had been cleaned out, but a file cabinet remained, devoid of files. I opened the bottom drawer and was delighted to find a bottle of Old Grand-Dad and a Tennessee Ernie Ford cassette. I took a pull, high tailed it out of there, and headed back down to the field. I had players to investigate.

 Stay tuned for the final installment of Fostex’ Fanfest Adventures next week! You’ll read all about his Top Ramen run-in with Ryu! Until then, mirth-seekers!!!

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