January 23, 2017 by Shannon Michael Smith
Hellloooo readers of the ravine! We’ve had a couple of months of bitter hibernation and are out of the cave and revved up for the fan fest this weekend at Dodger Stadium!
News of the offseason? Hill, Turner, and Jansen are back! There are still several holes to fill, but the rotation seems better with Hill as a solid #2 man…there is that lingering issue OF PUTTING TOGETHER AN ENTIRE OUTFIELD AND GEE, SOME POWER HITTING?
Rascalsoftheravine.com will send our newest (see pictures above) staff members TOM FOSTEX (Spank, Fishing and Drinking, The Angry American) and COL. MUSTARD (Premier League Cuisine, Can You Actually Drink That?, The Rastafarian) to Dodger Stadium on Saturday to lay their peepers on the ’17 squad. We’re confident that between Fostex’ bullshit detector and Mustard’s refined palate, you’ll have all the info you need heading into Spring Training…
Speaking of Spring Training, we’ll be headed down to Arizona for another three installments of Tales from Tequila Towers!!! The towers have been completely rebuilt after that nasty onion ring fire last year, and we’re confident that we can avoid all grease fires this year (although Mustard’s promised to bring his JOLLYBOY 4000 Fryer all the way from old Blighty…supposedly they deep fry woodland creatures in it…fur and all)
We’ll have a full report next Monday on The Dodger Fanfest, if any of you readers are out there and see Fostex DO NOT APPROACH HIM! He will rip your arm out of its socket like a wookie…however, Mustard loves to talk to people. Just keep your eyes peeled for a Brit in a pith helmet with a monocle. Don’t be shy about saying “hi”. WARNING: He will hit you up for hot dog money as we don’t think he’s gotten around to converting his pounds to dollars.
Until next week, mirth-seekers!