Cub Den Crushes Spent Pen Once Again


October 21, 2016 by Shannon Michael Smith

The lack of starting depth, a spent pen, and the inability to hit left-handed pitching has doomed the Dogs to the verge of elimination. With Liberatore gone, the load falls on Baez and Blanton…who look more exhausted than whores after a Shriner’s Convention in Reno…and so, once again, the Dodgers hand their postseason hopes to Clayton Kershaw.

If Clayton Kershaw received a teardrop tattoo after every playoff failure, he’d resemble a Juggalo. He’s had a great run this year, but, even if he wins on Saturday, the likelihood of two Dodger road wins in Goat City is…unlikely.

Cue the rascalsoftheravine paragraph about how this is all the front office’s fault, the disastrous starting staff they assembled has crumbled to two…oh, don’t worry dear readers, the call for their heads will resume next week…

Even if a miracle in Chi-Town occurred, do you honestly think this broken pitching staff could work their way past the Indians? That’s a heap big no…

All the firewater in the world won’t drown the sorrows of another NLCS wash out for Los Dogs. Dodger fans were fed up going into this season…anything but a World Series appearance will be another sad failure.

Will Clay-ton unleash hate on the north side nancies? Will Kyle induce bile from Blue Crew stewers? Will rascalsoftheravine turn green after an obscene mujahedeen? Seen! Until next time, mirth-seekers!!!

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