October 7, 2016 by Shannon Michael Smith
FS1 rolled out a bizarre gallery of freaks for their pre-game slimefest…Pete Rose in a Willy Wonka getup, Alex Rodriguez (who appeared to have Cindy Brady’s TV-ITIS), Tonya Harding, The Amazing Criswell, and several other grotesque horrors.
They all weighed in wonderfully on the outcome of the Nats/Dogs drunken punch-up in the nebulous Nation of Ulysses, Washington, D.C.
“Take your powder, and take your gun, report to General Washington!”
Seager smoked a screaming solo shot in the first to bring the Dogs up, 1-0. Shertz smashed Kringle’s hand in the next AB to the happiness of that fanfreak behind home plate (did you see that creepy Macbeth-looking witch nodding with glee??? A CURSE UPON HER DEPRAVED SOUL!!!)
All demons aside, Los Dogs’ confidence level soared with that early run, FEAR OF SHUT OUT all but dissipated with Corey’s ka-boom. Kringle had his revenge on Satan’s daughter in the stands…he smoked a two-run jack in the third to bring the Dodgers up, 4-0.
King Kersh coughed up three before he was swapped out for the ultra-reliable Blanton, who was jobbed on some Frank Underwood (Devil’s Ham?) driven-calls before he got the heave-ho in the sixth…
Jansen sprayed Caribbean fury upon the hapless Nats in the 8th and 9th…final score, Dodgers 4 Nats 3…
Flippant Fran Fran refuses to frooom froom—we’ll have more on the Cubs’ kibooossshhh on their dreams tomorrow…
Until then, mirth-seekers!!!!