Dogs Fix Friars, Fly to Frisco

chumgarbler

September 30, 2016 by Shannon Michael Smith

Pederson, Ruiz, and Ethier all drove in big runs last night to help best the Friars, 9-4. Los Dogs have been winning as a team since the All-Star break, it’s cool to see Ruiz finally start to heat up and contribute offensively (it’s great to see Ethier in the mix as well.)

Okay, they’re not technically eliminated from being the number two seed, but the Dodgers trail the Nats by two games with three to go…San Fran won’t be rolling over either, they’re fighting for a Wild Card spot…The freaks of Fran Fran will be fightin’ through the freeze to unplease…

We don’t write dumb, bait-driven little headlines like: “Three Reasons the Dodgers Will Win the World Series!” We don’t write “keyword rich, SEO oriented, vomit-inducing gibberish” like the obsequious pampered scribes do (why don’t they just have a computer write the fucking article for them, it would have the same soul) you know why the Dodgers are where they are. The bullpen. The bullpen. The bullpen.

We jest…of course it’s more than that, we know the sticks have been on fire since the All-Star break, we know that the five-inning fannies can get Los Dogs to the pen, we know about a closer from the Caribbean who likes to keelhaul opposing clubbers…

Mentally-challenged droolian, Madison Chumgarbler, will take the hill for fetid Frisco tonight…Rich Hill, staunch American, gets the start for the Dodgers.

Will Rich itch to ice bitches Parker, Pence, and Posey? Will Chumgarbler garble chum with shunned scum Attila the Hun? Will rascalsoftheravine glean green jelly beans from James Dean? Stay tuned! Until tomorrow, mirth-seekers!!!

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