Kersh Ravages Rocks, Scully Says Sayonara


September 25, 2016 by Shannon Michael Smith

King Kersh looked as fit as a fiddle in his big blank-a-thon last night. The ace face managed to go SEVEN SCORELESS INNINGS (Hallelujah!) and only coughed up three hits. The Blue Crew’s jumbo sticks drove in fourteen runs on thirteen hits to thrash the rotten Rocks, 14-1. Chavez coughed up the lone run in the eighth.

When it comes to the ’16 playoffs, the Dodgers are playing with house money. Pampered scribes have been burned by picking the Nats in the past…so they are too. The Cubs are supposed to win the World Series this year. At the start of the season, many overpaid hacks picked the Dodgers to win the NL West (not us) but expected them to be knocked out quickly (we predicted that if they did squeak in, then that’s what would happen) by either The Cubs or The Mets (who are now trying to hang onto a Wild Card spot, minus deGrom and the Dark Knight.) All of baseball media (and most people around the country) will be rooting for The Cubs. Cue the whole “The West Coast is evil; the Midwest is Good” angle…lazy scribes will be all over that.

We love stories about L.A. sports where the out-of-town writer will eventually use the word “Hollywood” to describe the team or allude to the beach in some manner…can you believe that these hacks get paid? Many slob-scribes from the east coast think that all of L.A. is Hollywood, which of course sits right next to the ocean, which is where Dodger Stadium is too. Hey! We can see sharks from our seats (and we’re not talking about agents or music managers, so back off Don Henley.)

We will hand an award to the laziest pampered scribe who STILL does not realize that Yasiel Puig isn’t the face of the franchise anymore. Oh, there will be AT LEAST ten stories out there, trust us…

How about that whole Puig thing by the way? The dude was rotting in Oklahoma City a few weeks ago…the Dodgers appeared ready to practically GIVE HIM AWAY! Several staffers on this rag were praying that we could deal him (and others) to the Brewers for Braun somehow, yet HOW HUGE was he in that series against the G-Men?

Los Dogs will go for the sweep against Colorado at the Ravine today, and it will be the VIN SCULLY’S LAST HOME GAME…so whip out those transistors, SoCal. Many of us here at rascalsoftheravine are left scratching our heads over why he’s choosing to close out his career on the road in San Francisco, though (no playoffs either?????) it seems wrong.

 The Grim Mortician will return to face Tyler Anderson today. Will the Mortician make the postseason roster? Inquiring minds want to know!

The Dodgers magic number is now….1!

Will B. Mac attack Big Macs with Shaq in Hackensack? Will Mr. Anderson make merry in the Matrix with mucho mustard? Will rascalsoftheravine use Mr. Clean to clean out their submarine? Stay tuned! Until tomorrow, mirth-seekers!!!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s