Grandal’s Salami Shocks Rocks


September 23, 2016 by Shannon Michael Smith

Brett Anderson wasn’t any better than we expected him to be, as he coughed up four runs in five innings before getting yanked for Josh Ravin (or “Lucky” as they called him in Spring Training.) According to Vin, “Five-Inning Fannies” are the wave of the future. As if pitching changes don’t slow down the game enough…but, if F.I.F.s get the Dodgers to the World Series, then who gives a damn.

What do the following have in common? Suzi Quatro, the golf term that means “get the hell out of the way”, and the Huey Lewis album that features the track “Hip to be Square”?

That’s right, folks, with the 7-4 win last night, Los Dogs’ magic number is now a fab FOUR. Fore is the name of Lewis’ fourth album, but you knew that already…Gang of Four, anyone? Bob James’ Fourplay?

Normally, we shudder at the thought of ANOTHER contest with the Rockies (their 37th face off this year…or at least, it seems like it) but last night’s game was pretty thrilling. A LOT of Dodger cranks, bugs, and fanatics were on hand (nearly 50,000) for a Thursday night game against the Purple Gang. There was a bevy of freaks behind home plate as well…like the cast of a Fellini movie or a David Lee Roth video…one guy wore a pith helmet…another had a monocle and a parakeet on his shoulder…various members of the cartel appeared to be on hand…was Wes Anderson casting at the Ravine last night or what?

Scott Kazmir (good God, no) will try to worm his way back into the rotation. The bona fide “Five-Inning Fannie” (10-6 4.59 ERA) will face off against Jon Gray in a contest that’s sure to draw various members of the Hell’s Angels, the cast of Cirque du Soleil, and hordes of drunken luchadors…

Will Gray go gaga on Grandal and Gonzalez? Will Kaz’ jive go beyond five? Is Walt Weiss afraid of mice…and does he have lice? Will he drink pumpkin spice with Heidi Fleiss? Stay tuned! Until tomorrow, mirth-seekers!

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