Miami Mice Doom Dodgers, Roberts Still Stinks


September 11, 2016 by Shannon Michael Smith

As if last night’s mommy-move by Dave Roberts wasn’t bad enough, the Dodgers dumped the rubber match to Mattingly’s Marlins today, 3-0.

The 136 people who watched the contest were unaware that today is the first NFL Sunday of the season…or perhaps they are Dolphins fans that are cognizant of the team’s chances this year.

We’re still tasting the bitter bile that was Roberts’ decision to pull Rich Hill after seven innings of perfect baseball last night. Rich Hill will probably be playing golf in four weeks. The move to yank him in a career moment (in freaking September) was a kick in the groin to Hill and every baseball fan in the universe. Pampered scribes (of course) were quick to back Roberts’ ridiculous move like the suck-up sycophants they are. We’ll let you know when their lips unclamp from Dave’s nuts (hint: never.)

As much as we hated Roberts’ two historic yanks this year (he gave Stripling the hook during a no-hitter in April) it probably won’t affect his overall grade that much in our post-season review (don’t worry, we’ll also turn the flamethrower on ourselves and let you know what we correctly and incorrectly predicted throughout the season.) Look for that dandy article about two days after the season’s close (includes postseason.)

The Dodgers travel to the Bronx today (we mean New York City…like they’re staying in a hotel in the Bronx or something…we would pay to see that) to prepare for their contest with the Yankees tomorrow. Dave Roberts is prepared to shut down any pitcher in a key moment in their career (just in case.)

Will Roberts give tough tonic to the troops like his main mama Mary Poppins? Will Girardi drink Bacardi and scare senior citizens and small children with his veiny arms and rubber face? Have pampered scribes unlocked their lips from Roberts’ shriveled nuts yet? Stay tuned! Until next time, mirth-seekers!

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