Reds Ripped, Frisco Freaks On Deck

Psycho Battery Chucker

August 23, 2016 by Shannon Michael Smith

The Dodgers raked Red pitching yesterday to the tune of eighteen runs and gained a half-game on the hated ones to boot (the Giants were dormant).

It was a good thing Los Dogs had their mashin’ boots on as Kazmir and the rest of the hurlers coughed up nine runs (Kaz never made it out of the third and surrendered four).  Baez gave up two in the sixth and Chavez, Norris, and Fields each relinquished a run.

Hey! We don’t need to tell you how huge this upcoming series with the Giants is. It’s late August. Los Dogs are one game up. They face the hated ones nine times before the end of the season. These nine games, these heated hatefests, shall determine the course of 2016…

One of the wild things about the Mad Bum vs Maeda matchup is their identical win and loss total this season. They’re both 12-7. Who in April would have predicted that Maeda and Mad Bum would have the same win and loss total in late August? Not many. Mad Bum’s ERA is lower, of course, he sports a tidy 2.25…Maeda’s 3.29 is nothing to sneer at, though.

Who will be king of the hill tonight? Hell, normally we’d take Mad Bum, but the way this season has gone, the fact that the Dodgers are in first place with Kershaw out and a starting rotation that can’t get past five innings makes me think anything is possible in this series.

Let’s not forget that Dodger bats are red hot. Gonzo went gonzo and hit three home runs yesterday…Toles, Segedin, Seager, and Grandal each chimed in with a jack. Los Dogs have found their power since the All-Star break. They’ll need every bit of it in these nine nail-biters to come. The battery chuckers (see attached pic) will be out in full force tonight, the LAPD may want to hook up their hoses in the stadium…

What wacky transportation did the Giants use to make their journey to the southland? Did they traverse Highway 5 in another Keseyesque day-glo psychedelic ship? Did Mad Bum rent a fleet of ATVs for the team to tackle off-road action in the Lost Hills? Did they hunt boar with crossbows off said ATVs? Does Bochy have a cardboard cutout of Andrew Friedman that he strips of a garment every time the Giants win? Does Bochy play Bocce Ball, and his he any good?

All these questions and more shall be answered! Stay tuned! Until tomorrow, mirth-seekers!

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