Dogs Devour D-Backs in Nineteen Hour Contest

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July 30, 2016 by Shannon Michael Smith

Remember when the Dodgers were eight games behind the Giants and appeared dead in the water? Remember how flat they were and how they didn’t seem to care? Remember when Justin Turner got in Grandal’s face six weeks ago and shook up the clubhouse? Well…thanks to a massive losing streak by the G-Men and some tough road wins by Los Dogs, the Blue Crew sit one game back in the NL West.

After last night’s seventeen hour seventh inning (it sure seemed that long) against the D-Backs (twelve runs were scored altogether) the Dodgers took the lead, 8-7.

The trouble in the seventh started with a Maeda meltdown (he coughed up two runs). After a short appearance by Libby (he gave up a run) there was a Blanton blowout (Goldschmidt made him pay with a 3-RBI double) followed by a mini stint by Avilan (who also surrendered a run). The Dogs were down 7-3 at that point until Pederson and Utley went yard in the bottom of the inning to put the team back up, 8-7. A Corey Seager double in the eighth would seal the deal, 9-7 (Jansen earned the save). Whew!

We should all savor the G-Men’s losing streak, it won’t be around long. The Dodgers are going to have to buckle down for the next two months to have any hopes of overtaking the Giants permanently or securing a Wild Card spot. With key injuries to the Mets, Los Dogs just may have a shot at postseason play (not that we think they’d get far…unless a big trade is made or Kershaw actually returns).

Hey! Did anyone go the Blue Diamond Gala? Any reports on the shriveled mugs of Buckingham or Nicks? We can’t get anywhere near those type of things without getting tased…

The D-Backs will send Braden Shipley to the hill today. Braden is one of those white trashy millennial-type names we can’t stand (kind of like SKYLER). Braden is making his second MLB start today (0-1 10.13 ERA). He’s bring his friend Jaden and Aiden to the park with him for their playdate. They will watch Teletubbies and eat Hot Pockets…then maybe they’ll play some Call of Duty once Braden’s mom goes upstairs to finish the laundry.

Will Kazmir “Rock the Casbah” against the drunken, dastardly Diamondbacks of the desert? Will Braden, Aiden, and Jaden form a benign boy band and bail for Bakersfield before the ball game? Stay tuned! Until next time, mirth-seekers!

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