Dodgers Down D-Rays, Mac to Attack Tomorrow

Mac Dodger Stadium

July 27, 2016 by Shannon Michael Smith

Who invaded Dodger Stadium last night? Death Rays? Gamma Rays? Johnnie Ray? Nope, it’s just those pesky Devil Rays, and Los Dogs beat ‘em, 3-2.

Grandal grooved a gargantuan HR (his fourteenth of the year) in the seventh inning to give the Dodgers the extra run they needed. The usually reliable Joe Blanton coughed up a couple of runs in the eighth to make it close, but Jansen earned his thirtieth save to keep the Dodgers 2.5 games behind the hated Giants.

Norris had a great start, which makes sense because his last outing was terrible (the Dodgers starting staff, minus Kershaw, seem to alternate between good and bad starts). There’s no doubt the Dodgers have played well so far in the second half, one wonders what could be if they had taken that second game in Arizona!

Today Brandon McCarthy will bring his 1.61 ERA to the hill versus Matt Moore. We weren’t all that thrilled about McCarthy and Ryu’s return (McCarthy has been amazing, Ryu’s tossing down ramen on a couch somewhere…) and we’re pleased to say we were wrong about B-Mac. God, we hope they don’t call him B-Mac…we prefer The Grim Mortician.

 Have Guns N Roses defiled Dodger Stadium yet? We’d rather get rectal cancer than watch those creeps on parade…

Tomorrow, Fleetwood Mac plays The Blue Diamond Gala at The Ravine, it’s a tribute to Vin Scully by the Dodgers Foundation. Tickets start at $1500 to keep the riffraff out (we wouldn’t pay $1500 to see those meth-addled hippies in their prime). We wish we could conjure up Rodney Dangerfield, strap a GoPro on his head, and send him loose through the proceedings. He’d rip those plastic freaks to shreds like Freddy Krueger’s razor hands. Is Rickles available? Triumph The Insult Comic Dog? We keeeeeeeeeeed! We love the Mac.

Will the Grim Mortician mollify sunshine state sluggers? Does Matt Moore meekly munch M&Ms on the mound? Will rascalsoftheravine’s ribald repartee remain righteously risqué? Stay tuned! Until next time, mirth-seekers!!!!

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