July 21, 2016 by Shannon Michael Smith
We hate teams in red. The Dodgers secured a series win versus the Washington Nationals today, 6-3. Urias, the terrible teenager, lasted four whole innings and only coughed up one earned run (it’s a miracle if a Dodger starter makes it past the fifth inning these days), as Los Dogs outdueled Steven Spielberg (sorry, Vin, Strasburg) and handed him his first loss of the season.
Roberts is currently softening the blow on the “Kershaw will need surgery and is out for the season” press conference which will begin in 3-2-1…
Now it’s off to tiny, whiny St. Louis (where our moral betters troll LA Rams sites—pathetic) to face the dishonest redbirds (Chris Correa just got four years for being a cheating prick…SHOCKER…stick that in your smug taters, saint loooo).
Hey! Rob Manfred stole one of our ideas to improve the game! He’s now talking about limiting (not completely annihilating as we would have done, but we’ll take it) relievers to speed up the game. Stop the presses! Manfred Mann’s MLB Band could actually do something!
The grim mortician, Brandon McCarthy, will face off against salt of the earth, Michael Wacha, tomorrow at 5:15.
Will Wacha endorse a Wacha pedal to be used by cheesy guitarists at Guitar Center locations worldwide? Will McCarthy drive all red-donning patrons from the ballpark in a patriotic rage? Will rascalsoftheravine ever darken the doors of shitbag St. Lou? Stay tuned! Until tomorrow, mirth-seekers!