Dodgers Lose To Snakes in 12th, Ultraman to Take Hill Today


July 17, 2016 by Shannon Michael Smith

1-15 with RISP ain’t gonna get it done. It took twelve innings for the Dodgers to lose to the Diamondbacks last night, 2-1. Los Dogs had a 1-0 lead with two outs and two strikes in the bottom of the ninth, only to see Kenley Jansen blow the save which ultimately cost them the game. Casey Fien took the loss.

The Snakes love to bean Justin Turner and Dodger coaches have had enough! It’s no secret that Turner is a plunk magnet in Arizona, and Roberts looked fit to be tied last night when a couple of pitches came close. If Turner is plunked today, we guarantee some sort of fracas (and boy does this “rivalry” need it).

The good news is that we’re starting to believe in Brandon McCarthy (we weren’t doing cartwheels over his return, but he’s been nothing but solid so far). In the sixteen innings he’s pitched, he’s 2-0 with a 1.69 ERA (22 Strikeouts, 0.75 WHIP). With all the injuries, The Dodgers desperately need B.M. (we’re going to start calling him “The Mortician” if he doesn’t lighten up) to stay healthy and productive. Fingers crossed!

The extra-innings loss stings because the Giants ended up dumping their game with the Padres in a wacky balk scenario. Los Dogs could have been 4 ½ back and finally may have been able to put some heat on the hated ones.

As it stands now, the Dodgers are 5 ½ back with a tough road trip on the horizon against two red and white teams (Nats and Cards).

We joked about McCarthy’s mortician-like mug earlier, but did you know that there was a very successful Yankees pitcher during the ‘20s (World Series Champ in ’23, ’27, ’28) nicknamed “The Merry Mortician” because that was his gig during the offseason? Waite Hoyt was his name, and embalming corpses was his game. He was inducted into the hall of fame in 1969.

We haven’t mentioned Andrew Toles much. He got his fourth start of the season in center field last night for the Dodgers (he worked a walk and stole a base). Toles is filling in for the ailing Trayce Thompson (Joc Pederson will return soon).

Kenta Maeda will wear a specially made iron leg to deflect any wayward line drives today (Goldschmidt smashed a screaming shot off his stilt last time). Does the leg come with some sort of rocket jet to propel him out of danger like Ultraman? Yes.

Will Kenta conjure cancerous curveballs to coil up carnivorous chordates? Will Robbie Ray challenge Robbie Robertson and Robbie Rist to a “Rob Off”? Will rascalsoftheravine ravenously rip up a C4 Super Dog from Slaw Dogs on their return run? Ruh-Roh! Stay tuned!! Until next time, mirth-seekers!

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