Grandal Goes Gonzo, Starters Still Stink


July 9, 2016 by Shannon Michael Smith

Yasmani Grandal grooved three righteous rips over the wall on Friday to help the Dodgers best the Friars, 10-6.

Scott Kazmir continues to be awful (nice try pumping him up, Rizzo, you set off our gag reflex on Dodger TV last night) as Dodger starters are unable to emerge from the fifth (Kaz only made it through THREE INNINGS last night).

MLB has to something about its sick addiction to a 162-game schedule, this ain’t 1890. Ditto for the endless snoring division matchups (aside from SF). Are you looking forward to another Rockies, Diamondbacks, or Padres series? Really? These games are awful and drive fans away in droves…they need to cut the season in half to save the sport, stat. Why do you think the NFL is tops? They keep evolving…they have precious, few games (we’re taking a page from pampered scribe, Colin Cowherd’s, book…we know…)

While they’re at it, they can do away with relievers and cut the contest to six innings. Make the starters go wire-to-wire. Think about a game with no relievers, no closers, no bullshit…we love it! No extra innings! A home run derby will commence if the teams are tied after six. We love that too! Screw the record books, steroids killed the numbers…it’s a joke.

You can’t be serious? Are you serious? Yes.

There was a time when we would have considered ourselves “old school” about the sport, but that time has long passed. Baseball is dying before our eyes. Something must be done.

Tonight the Dodgers will face the Padres in another hideously boring contest. We’ll save you some time…the Dodgers play the Nationals on July 19th. You can go to sleep until then, and we’ll tell you what happened.

Get ready kids, Brandon McCarthy will face Luis Perdomo…God, we almost passed out with excitement just typing that! Will Brandon McCarthy’s mortician-like mug molest Myers and company? Will Perdomo channel Nomo and neutralize America’s Finest City (do they really call themselves that?)

Stay tuned! Until next time, mirth seekers!


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