Dodger Owners Apologize for Horrible Season, Install Free Whisky Dispensers at Ravine

Dodger Fans

July 2, 2016 by Shannon Michael Smith

So what. Norris had a great debut. Kazmir and Maeda looked peachy at the start too. All the fluttering flags and cartwheeling clowns won’t help this washed up season. Norris had been hot before the start yesterday, but had a awful start to the season. Let’s hope the Dodgers can get a couple more decent starts out of him before the inevitable injury. Got an injury? Come to Zaidi and Fried-man’s cash den! Simply provide a note from your doctor to win a bundle of dough!

Is the NL West is a snore? There seems to be no fire in any series with a division foe this season. Arizona was fun for a while when the teams threw at each other. The Rockies are always boring and the games with the Giants have been duller than dull. The only time the Dodgers get excited is when they play the Mets. Otherwise, it’s snooze city. Does Chase Utley have to break another leg to make these division games fun? Yes.

The series with Baltimore could be a gas, though. Why? If you guessed Manny Machado, Adam Jones, or Hyun-soo Kim, you’d be wrong. No, friends, we’re talking about the Whisky 3000 (see attached photo). Facing the possibility of a crummy second half of the season? Look no further than Whisky 3000! Dodger ownership should install these FREE BOOZE DISPENSERS in every section if they’re going to make us watch this team in the second half.

HEY! Have y’ever noticed that ticket prices double on the “bobblehead giveaway” days…doesn’t sound like much of a giveaway to us…

Scott Kazmir will return to the hill tonight. He was shelled like a mollusk in his last start. Let’s see if he can get out of the third inning tonight…oh, and throw and somebody willya? This series could use some HEAT. Is baseball more fun when teams try to hurt each other? Yes. Odor’s crack on Bautista’s showboating mug was glorious. Go read pampered scribes if you want hand-holding nonsense. As a psychotic ballplayer once said, “baseball ain’t no pink tea.”

Will Kazmir cough up a lung and be the latest hurler (pun intended) to join the DL fun bunch? Will Chad Bettis bet on Brandon Barnes and Blackmon to bail him out? Will Dodger brass buy a wayback machine and cop Cueto and Price when they still had Greinke? Too late losers…

Stay tuned! Until next time, mirth seekers!

 

 

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