Dodgers Acquire Scuffling Schmuck as Season Heads to DL

magnum dodger

July 1, 2016 by Shannon Michael Smith

Another day, another horrible acquisition by the buffoons in the front office. Bud Norris? Really? He’s had a couple of good starts recently, so what? He was awful in April and May. We worried at the start of the season about what would happen if Kershaw went down. Clayton is the only Dodger pitcher capable of halting a losing streak. If you thought the first half of the season was ugly…

The series win against Milwaukee yesterday didn’t mean much after the Kershaw news. We knew The Dodgers wouldn’t make the playoffs, but we hoped they could at least put some heat on the Giants in August and September. There is little hope of that now. We would be surprised if Kershaw saw another start before August. They’re not going to rush him back out there. Can Dennis Gilbert pitch? Larry King? Tommy?

At this point the owners (who are MIA) should just fasten their feet into stocks and let fans throw garbage at them as they enter Dodger Stadium. Angry blue crew supporters would be encouraged to bring cabbage, tomatoes, old boots, whatever…

Who Does NOT Sit Behind Home Plate Part 1

 Tom Selleck DOES NOT sit behind home plate, but HE DOES go to a lot of Dodger games (we won’t betray his secret spot because we don’t want Higgins on our ass). Does T.C. fly him into games at the Ravine? Yes. Does Col. Buck Greene make hot dog runs? On the double!

Tonight the Rockies will send Jorge De La Soul to the hill. The Dodgers will counter with Bud Norris. Whoopie. Will Norris naughtily navigate his nads through cumbersome Colorado? Will De La Soul dominate with Prince Paul and puckish pulverizing patriot-pitches? It is Fourth of July weekend after all…

Stay tuned! Until next time, mirth seekers!



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