Dodgers Keelhauled by Pirates, Mr. Smee Goes Yard


June 25, 2016 by Shannon Michael Smith

Corey Seager smashed four hits at PNC Park last night, but it wasn’t enough to power past the plucky Pirates. Final score: Pirates 8, Dodgers 6.

Tepesch’s Dodger debut was awful as he surrendered five runs on seven hits in only four innings worth of work. Chalk it up to another brilliant find by the brainiacs in the front office. They brought in Will Venable to stink up the bench for ten days before they kicked him to the curb yesterday. What the hell was that about? We have to wonder if their next move is to bring Jeff Kent out of retirement. Can Larry King hit? Give him a bat!

The good news is that Yasiel Puig has looked great at the plate recently (he ripped a no-doubter at PNC last night). This is Puig’s last chance with the Dodgers, and we’ve got our fingers crossed in hopes of el caballo salvaje’s redemption.

In the last post, we mentioned the Dodgers’ day off in Pittsburgh and wondered what the team would be up to. It’s a shame that the “gotcha” society we live in now has forced ballplayers to hole up in their hotel rooms at night. Sure, they may want to hit up the Cricket Gentlemen’s Club, but some freak with a cell phone will Periscope the whole dang thing to the entire nation.

Instead, the team is forced to go on wholesome outings, like some sort of high school field trip. What would the men’s men of yesteryear say to such mollycoddling? They’d say, “You can hold our hands all the way to the ice cream parlor, if we can get paid the way these guys do.”

Kenta Maeda takes the hill versus Jeff Locke today at 4:15 PT. Can Kenta pick off the picaroons of Pittsburgh proper? Can Locke laboriously lay down Los Angeles’ lambasters? Stay tuned! Until next time, mirth seekers!!!

2 thoughts on “Dodgers Keelhauled by Pirates, Mr. Smee Goes Yard

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