Greinke Grinds Dodger Bones to Make His Bread

fee fi fo

June 14, 2016 by Shannon Michael Smith

Dave Roberts looked fit-to-be-tied when Greinke crossed the plate in the bottom of the fifth to bring the Diamondbacks up, 3-2 (it ended up being the final score). Roberts snatched the ball from Mike Bolsinger with disgust as he motioned to the bullpen for J.P. Howell. Bolsinger spat out his pink gum and batted it to the ground in frustration.

Is it us, or does Dave Roberts’ general expression resemble a man who’s just had a switchblade held up to his testicles? What happened to the cheery smiles of Spring Training?

The Dodger rotation has sure missed Greinke, but they haven’t been as awful as predicted. Hitting for power and driving in runs on a consistent basis is a much bigger issue at the mo. Our advice? Try to ignore anemic slugging and focus on some positives.


  1. Clayton Kershaw
  2. Corey Seager



That’s all we got…

All kidding aside, starting pitching hasn’t been that bad and the bullpen has performed well. The Dodgers just can’t seem to find any consistent power in the lineup. The HR and slugging percentage numbers need to improve (greatly), BUT if Corey Seager and Trayce Thompson can keep it up, the second half could be a lot more interesting.

We’re not talking World Series Victory interesting, but if  T.T. continues to do well, Justin Turner keeps getting better, and every other team in the National League dies in an unfortunate smelting accident, who knows?

Tonight, the Dodgers will try to avoid losing their fourth game and third series in a row.

Will Magic Maeda and his mighty mitt-missile make meat pies out of mud snakes? Will Archie Bradley brazenly blast by bonkers L.A. boppers? Is someone really holding a switchblade to Dave Roberts’ testicles? Tommy, is that you? Until next time, mirth seekers!

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