Jansen Blows Save, Makes Blue Curacaos in 10th

cocktail

June 12, 2016 by Shannon Michael Smith

All the blue curacaos in the world won’t numb the sting of a blown save in Frisco. The Dodgers will trot out tepid teenager, Julio Urias, to face Jake Peavy on Sunday. Urias (who really has no business pitching a rubber match versus the Giants, or any other game on a major league level yet) probably won’t make it out of the fourth inning, as he’s on his toddler leash-limit of 90 pitches.

Is it just us or has this division rivalry gone flat? The tension and anger between the Mets and the Dodgers is far greater these days. Obviously, it’s a hangover from the playoffs last year, but let’s face it, there isn’t much life coming from a Dodger dugout that appears to be in the doldrums. The Dodgers show little fight, fire, or desire to win in a season that they appear to have already written off.

So, what’s the answer? Suicide! All kidding aside, with the recent “adios” to Carl Crawford (the 20 million-dollar-hangover) the Dodgers continue to be the laughing stock of the league. Ownership and GMs have slapped together an overpaid mess of bored vets and underachieving prospects. Do some of them care? Of course! We’d just like to see a little more fire.

Sure, they can tout Kershaw and Seager until they’re blue in the face (pun intended), but at times it feels like another meaningless season. The Dodgers continue their death march to mediocrity tonight at 5:30 on ESPN.

Hey! What’s with two “hangover” mentions in one article, we were sober as a judge last night!

Will Julio Urias’ mother let him out of the house after he didn’t clean his room, again? Will Peavy take leave of his cable car bar to face the teenage czar? Will rascalsoftheravine ever get off the latrine and do post-game interviews? No. Because every idiotic post-game interview is pretty much the same. It’s no secret that post-game interviews are mostly a snore. We don’t know how pampered scribes do it!

Us: Take us through that last at-bat. What was running through your mind as you stepped into the box?

Player: I was just looking for a good pitch to hit, y’know, just looking to make contact. He left the curve up in the zone and I went after it…

That’s basically every interview for the season, right there. Dodger scribes can just paste this into every article and change the player’s names. Take that, overpaid shills. Don’t say we never did anything for you.

Until next time, mirth seekers!

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