Lester Molests Dodgers, 2-1…Arrieta to Star in Deadwood Remake


June 1, 2016 by Shannon Michael Smith

After last night’s 5-0 win at Wrigley Field, the Dodgers dropped game three of the series tonight to Chicago, 2-1. Jon Lester pitched a complete game and held the Dodgers to just four hits. The best Los Dogs can hope for now is a series split against the Cubbies in game four of the series, tomorrow at 11:20 AM.

After being held to a lone hit two days ago, you’d think that the Dodgers would have folded like a tent to ol’ Arrieta last night (who looks eerily like the actor Garret Dillahunt to us, in fact, we can’t help but imagine Arrieta doing grim Deadwoodesque deeds postgame as a result of his resemblance to the psycho-playing thespian). Instead, the Dodgers outlasted Chicago’s bearded ace-face and took it to the Cubbies bullpen to secure the victory.

Seager swung like a star last night, with all the disappointments and injuries (Alex Wood was the latest Dog to hit the kennel—he’ll take four weeks off for a partcandicular injury to his pancreantitis) the Dodgers need Seager to go mayno (our slang for gonzo, remember it! -Stern Smith). Since May 10th, The Dodgers have lead the league in home runs. Could Seager be the go-go catalyst for Los Dogs in the days to come?

Hats off to the men in the pen! The Dodgers bullpen is getting lost in all the injury fiddle-faddle…check the numbers if you don’t believe us (we’re too tired to do that, so while you grab your geek guide, we’ll grab a cold one).

We all moan and groan about hideous corporate naming rights to sports stadiums. It seems like a gut churning sign o’ the times, yet, everybody’s fine with Wrigley Field! Heck, we’re okay with it too, we’ll take an old-fashioned chewing gum any day over Qualborgshitebot Stadium…

Tomorrow, the teenager comes to that toddlin’ town! Will Julio Urias buckle down in Chi-Town? Will Kyle Hendricks make schmendricks out of Dodger dingers? Will Jake Arrieta take another life in some creepy alley in the windy city? Stay tuned! Until next time, mirth seekers!!!

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