May 15, 2016 by Shannon Michael Smith
Yes, the Dodgers have won the series against the hated red birds, and will go for the sweep today at 5:05…
Scott Kazmir came within one out of pitching a complete game, but was pulled after he surrendered a three-run shot to Hazelbaker in the ninth.
The most shocking thing about the game last night was lack of excuses from the denizens of tiny town (St. Louis is roughly the size of an average Candyland game board).
Remember when Matt Holliday lost the ball in the lights at Dodger Stadium during the post season in the 2009, and Adam Wainwright blamed it on Dodger fans waving towels? That really showed some Cardinal class, a moral high ground. He may have made a pathetic excuse, but he did it the right way. It’s a good thing that they’re better than we’ll ever be!
Bring your shovels (not those plastic brooms) to bury the birds at Dodger Stadium today, good riddance!
Even if the Cardinals win today, they’ve already lost the series, and we know the plane ride home can be loooonnnnggg post-defeat. Here’s a list of what may or may not emerge from player’s headsets in flight:
- John Lee Hooker “It Serves You Right to Suffer” (The Cardinals are like ancient priests in penance, they’ll probably whip themselves while listening to this)
- Bryan Ferry “The Right Stuff” (This reminds them how things get done in St. Lou!)
- The Standells “Sometimes Good Guys Don’t Wear White” (They know good guys wear red, dangitt)
- Scritti Politti “Perfect Way” (What they’re aiming for, now that the “right way” has been conquered)
- King Crimson “Model Man” (What every member of the team is to those not fortunate enough to don the Cardinal Red)
- Red Hot Chili Peppers “Thirty Dirty Birds” (What they play at the local strip club back home…where the strippers do it the right—no, no, we’re flogging a dead horse here…)
Oh, you get the point…
Will the Cardinals stroke Wood today, or will Alex hang on to his 1.33 ERA at home? Can the Dodgers lambaste the languishing Leake or will he leave them in the lurch? Will rascalsoftheravine readers mail more issues of Hush Hush to our holy HQ? Stay tuned! Until tomorrow, mirth seekers!!!