April 15, 2016 by Shannon Michael Smith
The Dodgers bopped the Snakes, 5-2, last night and took the series. Ross Stripling gave up two runs on five hits in another stellar performance from the young pitcher (just don’t over use him or his arm may explode…make sure he gets back to his nursery…see that plenty of Alpha-Bits and Pillow Pets are on hand).
Turner and Hernandez had key hits in the seventh to put the Dodgers up on the Snakes for good. Puig, Hernandez, Gonzalez, and Trayce Thompson continue to hit well overall.
The boss thing about the victory last night is how The Dodgers had to rally late to win. That type of team-building grit is just what they need heading into the series against the hated ones.
Tonight, the cheeky Mad Bum (3.27 ERA) will get the start for the freaks of Frisco. King Kersh (1.20 ERA) will hurl for Los Dogs. Expect Hernandez to be in the line up tonight as he has a .538 batting average in thirteen at-bats against Bumgarner.
The Giants took a magic bus instead of a plane to L.A. last night. It was the same bus made famous in Tom Wolfe’s The Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test, in fact.
Apparently, Giant players gobbled LSD laced M&Ms (orange and black ones of course) on the trip down as they reclined in the smoke-filled party pen. Bruce Bochy had allegedly ordered some “mellow out time” after the tough loss to Colorado yesterday. Players reportedly reacted differently to the drug, some stretched out on the floor and listened to David Bowie’s “Memory Of A Free Festival”, others simply curled into a little ball and whimpered (we’re looking at you Joe Panik).
Piloting the “freak wagon” was none other than the Maharishi Mahesh Yogi himself. The free spirited imp took it upon himself to soothe frayed nerves by relieving the players of the “Cumbersome financial stresses that burden their true, inner selves.” In other words, he took all their money and left them at a Wendy’s in Thousand Oaks.
The team wandered around in a circle for five hours before local sheriffs picked them up and escorted them back to their designated lodgings (The Voyager Motor Inn, Van Nuys). The team physician made sure plenty of patchouli and sage were on hand to soothe the frazzled nerves of the hallucinating squad.
So, there you have it! We always wondered what went down on those G-men roadies…maybe they can get Meatloaf to pilot their “trip ship” next time!
Will The Mad Bum quit pitching to join Cirque Du Soleil? Will Buster Posey and Rob Kardashian form a dubstep duo? Will Joe Panik join The Mystic Nights of Oingo Boingo? Will The LSD ever wear off? Stay tuned! Until tomorrow, mirth seekers!!!!