Dogs Eat Snakes, 3-1…Justin Turner To Receive Blow

Blow Hot Blow Cold

April 14, 2016 by Shannon Michael Smith

Wood sported seven strong innings, he surrendered one run on five hits (3 Ks, 3 BB). He started the eighth, but surrendered a leadoff single and was replaced by Baez. Nick Ahmed lined out but then Baez walked Segura, and Jansen was called in to get the final two outs of the inning (and pitch the ninth). Peralta whiffed and Goldschmidt flew out. Jansen had an easy 1-2-3 ninth, striking out Jake Lamb to get the final out and seal the victory for The Dodgers, 3-1.

I’m sure you’re all used to seeing Donald Sterling parked behind home plate in his $34,000,000,000,000 dollar seats…you all recognize Sterling, don’t you? He’s the guy that starred in all those California Raisins commercials in the ‘80s. His skin is made of the finest Corinthian leather! Seriously, the Dodgers must hate the fact that the face of racism in Los Angeles is in EVERY CENTER FIELD CAMERA SHOT OF HOME PLATE. This is Hollywood though, maybe it isn’t Sterling! Maybe it’s the guy that plays Sterling on Hollywood Boulevard in front of The Chinese Theater. You know, the guy that dances around in the Sterling costume alongside Batman and Spiderman…

Turner beaned TWICE!!???

What’s even crazier is this quote from THE DODGER WEBSITE…

“[Turner] is just sore,” said Dodgers manager Dave Roberts. “I think that’s the extent, there’s some swelling. We’ll kinda talk about it tomorrow, but I think at some point in time the next couple of days, I want to give him a blow anyway. We’ll have that conversation, but he’s fine.”

What does that even mean????? “I want to give him a blow?” WHAT????? Explain this to us, Ken Gurnick. This is just…really, really uncomfortable. Aren’t people paid to edit these things? Do their reporters just hit the “send” button and hope for the best?? I’m sure you’re all well aware that no one scans this rag’s posts…

So the good news for Justin Turner is that it looks like he will receive a blow from Dave Roberts within the next 24 hours…STAY TUNED!!!

Will Ross Stripling have another no-no taken away tonight? Will D-Backs pitcher Robbie Ray and his Just-For-Men beard dominate The Dogs? Will Justin Turner receive his blow?

Tune in tomorrow, mirth seekers!!!!

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