Crazy Crab Crashes AT&T Park, Kills Nine…Just Kidding, The Dodgers Beat The Giants 3-2

Crazy Crab

April 10th, 2016 by Shannon Michael Smith

Kershaw had a shaky start yesterday. He surrendered a second inning jack to the Mad Bum (that nickname is a lot kinkier in England). Kersh soon righted the ship and held the Giants at bay (get it…at bay) for most of the game (2 ER on 4 Hits in 8 innings of work).

Spring Training flash Charlie Culberson hit the game winning RBI and made a spectacular diving catch (he moved from SS to LF after Van Slyke was beaned by a Mad Bum bullet).

We’re only six games in, but Puig has been nothing but solid at the plate (.455 AVG .556 OBP) and in right field. We turned the rascalsoftheravine flamethrower on him during Spring Training when he started talking about buying a helicopter, but he’s been prim and businesslike ever since. This could be Puig’s year.

Dodger fans were on pins and needles when Hatcher entered the contest in the ninth inning (with Friday nights debacle fresh in their minds), but ol’ Blackbeard delivered. Culberson ripped a RBI double in the top of the tenth, and Jansen sealed the deal in the bottom of the inning to give The Dodgers a shot at splitting this series.

The Dodgers were 2-21 with runners in scoring position, but don’t expect this Burke-Williams management bunch to panic, they’ll probably take the team to Chuck E. Cheese and the batting cages at Sherman Oaks Castle Park.

We jest, this team should be fine at the plate this season. The bullpen is more of a concern for us. We have received a bunch of cranky letters about Roberts’ near no-hit yank on Friday night. Are mollycoddling mommy-men mucking up this game?

It remains to be seen! Maybe Roberts did the kid a favor to ease his arm back in. Who knows, maybe Stripling goes on to win 20 games this year and heads into the offseason perfectly healthy! Time will tell!

Is Lou Seal still the awful mascot for The Giants? What happened to the Crazy Crab? We think he was around in ’84…people would throw things at it…M&Ms…pennies…loose teeth.

Can the Dodgers split the series today? How will Kazmir do against a team that can actually hit the ball? Will that huge Coke bottle thing in left field come unhinged and roll onto the playing field? Does AT&T Park have an emergency protocol for that? Stay tuned! Until tomorrow, mirth seekers!

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