The Dodgers Won’t Make The Playoffs, But We Love Opening Day Anyway

Dodger Girl

April 4, 2016 by Shannon Michael Smith

Today is opening day, andele, damn it! Caps on, America! Fire up those transistor radios! Preparar la fiesta! Whether it be Fritos and Budweiser, Chelada and Chicharron, Texas BBQ and Cuervo shots, Burgie Beer and Cracker Jack, Carnation Malts and Mug Old Fashioned Root Beer, Polk’s Hot Links and Schlitz Malt Liquor, Jayburgers and Jiffy Time Popcorn, Mr. Zog’s Sex Wax and Thunderbird Wine, or Jim Beam floating on top of a Mickey’s Big Mouth, we’re right there with you!

Today’s game is at PETCO in San Diego (we discussed the great Gaslight walk up in our last post), but we’ve been asked a lot about pre-game party action near Dodger Stadium (their home opener is on April 12th). Everyone knows good ol’ Philippe’s and the whole Chinatown scene, but what about Echo Park fiesta fun? We usually steer clear of the beards and bad vibes of The Shortstop and head straight to El Compadre on Sunset Blvd. Its 1975 “old world hacienda” origins show and that’s a good thing! Vincente Fernandez himself would feel right at home, weeping with a bottle on a set straight out of one of his classic vids. Odelay!

Let’s start the season! Enough about greedy Dodger owners and bad announcer hires (we’re looking at you, Joe Davis). Let’s get down to brass tacks. How are The Dogs going to do this year?

Sadly, the Dodgers won’t make the playoffs. Yes, we know PECOTA projections (they also have The Royals finishing 18 games out of first in their division) placed The Dodgers at numero uno in the NL West.  However, a five-year-old could look at The Dogs rotation and see that it’s Kershaw followed by mediocre mystery men. Maeda’s unproven in the states, Kazmir’s shaky, and then…cue the cricket sound effects. Look, we’d love to be proven wrong. We realize there’s some depth overall, but we can’t see starters two through five getting L.A. to the playoffs. Even IF The Dodgers squeaked in, it would only amount to speedy elimination from the superior rotations of The Mets, Cubs, or Cardinals.

Will the prospect of a mundane 2016 ruin our opening day? Nope. Despite the fact that The Dodgers won’t make the postseason, we’re still excited. Justin Turner and Adrian Gonzalez will be superb again barring injury. Seager’s rookie season should be something special. Puig has the talent to be a superstar, we all know that, but El Caballo Salvaje must put together a decent year, or he may not be a Dodger for long. Joc Pederson is also feeling the pressure to perform at the plate. Oh, and there’s this pretty good pitcher by the name of Kershaw to gawk at.

More importantly, it’s Vin Scully’s final season in the broadcast booth. Every moment must be cherished, like the tasty gravy at the bottom of a Swanson’s Salisbury Steak TV Dinner. Don’t let the prospect of a so-so ’16 get you down. Pop that Swanson’s in the microwave and sup it up, Los Angeles. Sup up that Scully gravy!

HEY! Feel free to send us pics of YOUR opening day! We promise we won’t do anything creepy with them, IN FACT we’ll publish the best shot we receive in Tuesday’s post!

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